I am currently living in Mazatlan, Mexico doing a DTS (discipleship training school) with YWAM (Youth with a Mission). I have been here since the beginning of July and am here until the end of November. I am here in this school to learn who God is and how to become closer to him. I have learned and experienced so many things and I have decided to share some of my story and how God has been working in me.
My story starts with me thinking that I was a “Christian” and that I knew who God was. And that it was okay to mess up and not be perfect because he would just forgive me, right?
Through out high school I felt as though I had to impress everyone and could not show any weaknesses because I had to be perfect and everyone had to think that. I would go to church every Sunday and be a cute Christian girl but then I would just go back to my normal life during the weekdays. I created broken relationships with people and it was hard for me to trust people because I was so afraid of judgment. I did not want someone to look at me and be like “ew I cant believe she did that.”
I had a fear of man.
The last year of high school I started getting more into partying and drinking. I got into the wrong group of friends who just said anything was okay. I would come to Sunday church hung over and be like well God is a forgiving God so it’s okay. I lied to my family and friends, and treated my sister horribly. I did not want to hang out with her even though she was leaving to a country for a whole year. She would want to know about my life and what is going on but I was too ashamed and afraid of judgment that I just pushed her away. I did want to admit that I was weak and needed help.
I got into a bad relationship that really wounded me looking back at it. It was an unhealthy relationship. It did not involve trust, respect, or good communication. I knew he hurt me but I thought I needed to have a person next to me to lean on and be there for me. I did not even think God could ever be that person.
I just wanted to feel loved and wanted. And thought the only way was through a relationship with a guy.
Now turning the story around to when I came here to Mazatlan Mexico. The first week was on God’s character and nature. I knew from that week that I actually had no idea who God really is. I always thought oh yeah God loves me and he will always be there. I never knew that I could also fall so deeply in love with him and have a relationship with him.
I know I am free now
I know that I am forgiven
God has broken down so many strongholds and walls in my life in just these two months already. I now know and feel this intimacy with him that I never knew was possible. I never imagined that I would actually have a real want and desire to know him more and more and have this want to read the Bible and spend time with him.
Over the past 9 weeks God has been transforming me into a new person through him. I’ve learned who his character and nature is, what the cross really means, how he does not dig up the mistakes in our past, my original design, how the holy spirit is with us where ever we go, and how to really listen to him. I can never seem to stop learning more about him.
I do admit I still have a fear of man and I am still broken. That is why I am here though, to let him fix me and keep building me up into this new person he created me to be.
God is the only opinion that matters.
He is the only one I need.
He gives me value and a purpose.
My sins have been forgiven and I am free.
I do not deserve his love, not one of us does. But he CHOOSES to loves us and wants us to choose to love him back. It is not just a one way street, like I thought it was before. I am so excited to see where he takes me because I know he has big plans for me.
I have become part of a family here in Mazatlan and I am so thankful everyday to God that he has brought me here to create everlasting relationships with the people and God.